To whom it may concern....

 To whom it may concern,

Just a few words to get a weight off my chest so to speak, in regards to observed behaviour at gym. 

Could you please refrain from the following:

1.       Dropping weights like King Kong.  Yes, they’re heavy.  You are soooo tough to have held them up for so long and I’m sorry I wasn’t watching your every move, necessitating you to drop the weights like they were on fire.  Better yet, the slight throw and drop.  Nice. Should I just tell you now that when you create such drama, I’m thinking “ Over compensation”

2.       Grunting.  Ok, it’s a big effort. I understand ….truly I do. The occasional grunt may be warranted.  But you don’t NEED to out-grunt the guy working out beside you, just as he doesn’t.  All in all, it just sounds like you two really need a room together…….and maybe some candlelight or music?

3.       Sweat.  Sweat’s great, I sweat, we all sweat especially if we are working out like we should.  I even have a saying….Sweat is Liquid Awesome.  But I have enough awesomeness of my own without finding yours all over the gym equipment.

4.       Bad odours.  I don’t fancy running on the treadmill to be accidentally running into your noxious cloud.  I like to stay conscious whenever you raise those arms of yours near me. Gym clothes can dry very quickly once they’re washed. Morning breath and puffing out close to others…need I say more?

5.       Hogging equipment.  I can appreciate you have a large workout to complete, waiting is a right pain in the patootie but seriously, I am yet to meet ANYONE who can work all the muscle groups of their body all at the same time across the gym. If you’re away for more than 2 minutes, it’s mine.

6.       Phones/loud chats/ interrupting a PT session.  I don’t need to know your husband/boyfriend/boss is an arsehole who doesn’t understand you/your needs/your family/your job. I don’t really care if Anita told Kirsten about Brenda’s sister’s neighbour’s cousin’s little problem. I am curious about the problem though……oh, and pay your own $40 to talk to my PT trainer and stop getting freebies off me.

7.       Mirror hogging.  Oh God yes you are beautiful.  Look at those muscles.  From every angle, do.  Now go the hell home and admire yourself there. Besides the lighting makes your bum look fat…or should I say lacking in the package department???

Thanking you in advance.....

Regards

Me.