A little blast from the 80's there....ahhh Tony Danza.....
I've been looking back on the past week, and in particular yesterday. Yesterday at work, I came up with every excuse, including hormones to explain why I have felt the need to eat chocolate. Now I normally wouldn't feel guilty because everyone has to let loose every now and then, but this week, when I added up what I've eaten, I felt a little twinge of shame. A 500gm tub of Maggie Beer's peanut butter and chocolate ripple icecream, several large freddo frogs, a large box of maltesers, a packet of mini caramello easter eggs, a block of Whittakers peanut butter chocolate, several bars of different chocolates....and guess what, THAT'S ONLY IN 4 DAYS.
But of course, it wasn't my fault. I was emotional, I was hungry, I was bored, I was craving it, I was offered it and didn't want to be rude....I even found myself saying I ate a tub of icecream because my husband said he was going to have one with our son while they were out...and then felt BETRAYED when he didn't actually have one, after I had eaten a tub. Clearly all his fault.
Oh, all right. No it is NOT all his fault. But don't tell him that ...yet.
I had forgotten about responsibility. Again. Every so often the lesson I think I've learned suddenly become unlearned. Accepting responsibility for what I do is one of them.
Now I consider myself a very responsible person, I drive a car, raise a family, hold down a job, all with responsibilities and I like to think I do them all well. I hold myself accountable to go to gym to workout 6 days a week and to rest one day. I hold myself accountable about eating healthy for main meals, for maintaining a positive outlook and for personal organisation.
So why did I suddenly come up with every excuse under the sun because I, noone else, I chose to go all Augustus Gloop at Willy Wonka's factory?
I realised, I don't like getting into trouble. Who does? But I am also a 41 year old woman, why am I getting into trouble for making poor food choices? What do I care about being judged for that, when I know I do far more good choices with my health? Why am I trying to hide it from myself?
I made poor choices. It was a CHOICE that I made, not anyone else. Do I like how it made me feel? No. Did it solve any of the reasons why I ate it? No. Did I write it in my food diary? Hell no. Lets add being honest with myself to the list of lessons to learn again....
I've decided to take a new approach. When I know I'm trying to talk myself out of a workout, or into another tub of Maggie Beer's icecream, the first answer is NO. The next answer to the wheedling in my head is WHY? A typical example....
Head: Why don't you get some salted caramel swirl icecream when you do the shopping?
Head: Come on, You've earned it.
Me: Why? Why should I?
Head: Look at the crap week you've had . AND your husband is going to have an icecream with your son, and you'll be missing out. Bastards.
Me: Missing out on what? Fat and sugar with a side of obesity and diabetes? Ice cream will fix a crap week like a time machine will it? And let's see, my husband will also be getting rid of the massive huntsman spider on the roof and I'll be missing out on that, should I go catch a massive hairy legged spider too?
Time to stop blaming everything else but me.